The Dude (A man in my building who does some work for me.)
Why he creeps me out:

10) The Dude has this mysterious Pedophile - sans moustache look to him. Im not sure that if he cut his hair and shaved his beard that I would know who he was. Creeps me out because he so looks like the type of man that would shut my office door, cover my mouth with a dirty rag, and stick his......ok well you get the point.

9) The Dude is sneaky. He just appears outta no where (like gotchyourass bitch) He is stealth, I never hear him approaching or departing for that matter. I think he is secretly a ninja in his spare time.

8) The Dude never looks away from me. I can feel him undressing me with his eyes. He has a smirk on his face when he does it too, and one time, he licked his lips. He also has a cigarette after every time he leaves my office. He fucks me in his mind...I need a shower STAT.

7) The Dude has a really high pitched laugh. Its unnatural for a man to laugh like that. Its sneaky and womanly...I seriously need a shower from his dirty thoughts and girly laugh.

6) The Dude always shuts the door when he enters my office. (Mind you, my office door is never shut.) I am waiting for him to lick me or something. He seems like he is totally capable of that without feeling shame. I feel like he escaped from somewhere...

5) The Dude loves to lick his yellow teeth. Weird.

4) The Dude's fingernails are pretty long. I think he picks his nose with his pinky, he looks like one of those guys.

3) The Dude loves to talk shit about all the men in my office. Its like he is campaigning for himself. He likes to put them down and throw out one of his superior skills. "Justin is a pompous ass. I have my own mailing company and Im only 44, how do you feel about that?" I feel great. Im really pumped for you. Go back to your office in the basement now please.

2) The Dude always invites me to the basement, "If you ever need anyone to talk to..." If I ever need anyone to talk to I will talk to my family, friends, co-workers, strangers on the subway and any most other mutants before I choose to converse with you on a personal level.

1) The Dude smells funny. Not in a weird way, but like a moth-bally, paper filled, ck One kinda way. Just not pleasant. Its like he is trying too hard to cover up his natural stench, which obviously cant be good because CK One smells like a butthole filled with bleach.