Why I hate the men (and some questionable women) in my office

** _ _ denotes initials

1) _ _ He is the Asian version of Stalin mixed with a young Alex P. Keaton stepping into the GAP. He is a micro-managing sonofabitch. I swear to god this guy sits in his office all day long making his fucking tea (not a racial slur, the actual truth) while devising new ways to make my job here suck even more until I finally cry. (I cry every morning on my way to work and every night on the way home, but Ill be damned if this fucktard sees me cry at work.)

2) _ _ He is the Asian version of White Goodman and Patrick Swayze casually storming/gliding around the office in his mock turtleneck straight outta the "International Male" catalogue while threatening to "kick someones ass" every 3.43 minutes. He openly defies the rules I set (I own the HR dept in my company) because he...well...hates me and talks more shit about me than any bitch did in high school. Good luck my friend being a hateful prick for th rest of your angry life.

3) _ _ Nope, not Jesus Christ, but this kid walks around like he is. Holy Jew Fro Batman. Can I also tell you that one time on a casual Friday this fuckface came into the office with...with...with....yes...a half zip, white spandex bicycling shirt on? OHMYGOD. And he thinks he is better than me? Take your horse gums and rank cologne and go fuck yourself.

4) _ _You are a convicted ped. You know I know this. So, with that knowledge, why do you insist on closing my office door when you need to talk to me? Oh wait...I shouldnt be upset...Im too old for him. But his third chin like lip syncs with his mouth...which might be cool...if I didnt know he was a ped.

5) _ _ This "woman" is the reason I can never use the washroom. (I have done studies and taken surveys.) She is THE (see washroom post) ghost shitter, booger wiper, pee pee dropper, potty talker, skid leaving, jungle bush- hood rat who infringes her right to be nasty upon every single woman in the office. She should have to go take her lunches in the dumpster so she can feel how the rest of feel when we are hungry or feeling good and then have to walk into her world of gross.

6) _ _ Welcome to America...15 years ago. Do you think you could maybe try to learn the language now? Especially since you run an entire department??? I lied when I told him I was a little deaf, I just feel bad always saying...what? What? WHAT!?! Xoxyodogjlkf to you too AG!

7) _ _ Im sorry that you feel like the world owes you. I realize you are black and have had a terrible life of discrimination. I dont care though. I dont want to hear your constant bitching about being black. Guess what...Im a Jew...we are hated too. So shutthefuckup because I dont owe you shit. Either does my company...we are equal opportunity employers. Dizamn my nizzle.

8) aaaaaahhhhh which brings me back to #1. I forgot to add that he has champagne bottles of apple cider in his office. L O S E R. Grow a set, buy some scotch and drink like a man. Or more like a legend...Ron Burgandy that is. Scotch, Scotch, Scotch...I love Scotch.

9) _ _ . I was a special education major for part of college. You absolutely do have fetal alcohol syndrome. Im sorry to have to be the one to break the bad news to you: Youre mom, well, she liked the sauce.

10) _ _ OH. MY. GOD. You are the epitome of every single Mexican joke there ever was. Have some pride ese. You are letting your amigos y tu familia down. You could make something of yourself, but you wont because you are too busy being a vato. Youre stupid.