10 Reasons why I hate (and you should too) My Ex!

10) He has serious halitosis. I realize this is a medical problem. I am fully aware that this is a definite hindurance in some peoples social lives, however, he has halitosis because he is anorexic some days and bulimic the rest of the days of the week. Yep thats right his breath is rank due to reminents of hurl and lack of nutrition...YUM! He is a big dude (not fat nor overly muscular) who thinks like a little bitch. Mind you, he has absolutely no intention of ever cutting back on the booze. Hmmm...wonder why you are gaining weight? bitch.

9) He goes commando. Ultimately, I think this is rad for most people and pretty fucking hot. However, when you go commando and have not yet mastered butt wiping and there are actual skids in your pants...you really should consider wearing boxers, if not a diaper. Especially when you wear the same jeans, with the same skids (just building deeper, darker, ones on top of the day before's) for like 5 days straight. Nope Im not making this up nor exaggerating. Its fucking gross. Youre getting down and dirty, pants are coming off and out of the corner of your eye you see his pants on the floor full of shit. OMG. Its even grosser when I type it out.

8) He cuts his toe nails and then puts them in his mouth once they are off. I could see if he bit them off himself...everyone is guilty of chewing on their nails once in a while, but to actually cut the nail off with clippers and then put it in your mouth is a whole new and delightful situation. He did this with the dead skin he would cut off as well. Oh how I miss our lazy Sunday afternoons!

7) He chews, dips...whatever the fuck its called. He takes heaps of that whacky tabacky and creates a look that only Bubba Gump's mother could love. The way he looked is not what bothered me...the constant spitting was nauseating. Not to mention his morning phlegm (yeah I dont know how to spell that word) routine where he would conjur mucus up until it was no longer filled with chew.

6) He rocked in High School. This kid was the shit...seriously. At least thats what he'd tell me every...single...day...WHOFUCKINGCARES? His class consisted of 80 people, I would hope he was cool. I have been to his town, I have seen his friends...being cool there is not having a kid by the time you are 20 and being able to chug like 18 beers in like 3 hours (puking acceptable). Hey, Al Bundy called, he wants his glory days back.

5) I get it, guys like to/thinks its still funny to fart. Sometimes, it is pretty funny, depending on the situation. Farting while you are at my house eating dinner with my family (grandparents included) is not hilarious, its disgusting and embarassing. Once is an accident...twice...youre just fucked up.

4) His family made me pay for my Thanksgiving dinner plate at FAMOUS DAVES BBQ. Yep, thats where we spent Thanksgiving last year. When the bill came, his uncle grabbed the check (he paid for everyone) and made me and his cousins fiance pay. Areyoufuckingmeintheasswiththis???? Yep, Happy Thanksgiving you redneck hick. BTW...boyfriend...was broke so he didnt even stand up to say anything for me and watched me pay.

3) He has this weird obsession with buttholes. Im stopping there.

2) He liked to...cuddle. Ok..OOOk...OK! I know in retrospect that aspect of him is really not that bad. BUT (You know this is going to be a big one) he had to cuddle ALL OF THE TIME. Going to bed, waking up, watching tv, at a movie, at a bar (yep, at a bar), at the mall, in the car...you name the place and he was all up on this. It was barfy. I cant really blame him though, I am F-I-N-E!!!!

1) Finally, he loved to play with his nipples. Kind of like the cuddling thing, it did not matter where we were, he was playing with his nips. Rubbing them, petting them, flicking them, pinching them...the kid loved his nips. Sure, nips feel good when played with (especially by someone else) but did he really have to play tune in tokyo in front of my mom? I think not. I guess I will just never understand his infatuation with his own nipples. I really do not want to either.