Things I worry about as I get older.
*Yes, I am this shallow*
No need for judgements...

1) Will I have good looking children? I'm pretty sure I will, but if I don't; will I still love them? No really. I don't want my kids to be losers. I know what that feels like (kinda) and it sucks. I don't need that kind of embarassment.

2) What will I look like when I forced to cut my long hair? Old ladies look awful with long hair, but I havent had short hair, well pretty much ever. So what the shit? Oh God, I hope someone doesn't give me that roller-fro.

3) Teeth. For the love of God what will happen to my teeth. Will they become those browny-yellow teeth? Ewww, will I have spittle in the corners of my mouth that look like jizz? PLEASE NO! Oh lord...dentures.

4) Will someone take care of me? I have a grandma who has the longest stache a woman has ever posessed...ever. Will my children or grandchildren be kind enough to take me to get that shit waxed? Fuck it, Ill take a damn Bic Razor and regulate. Will they let my brows grow grey and bushy? Will they take me to get my hair did?

5) Am I going to poop my pants? This is saddest thought of all. Not all people lose control, but I worry that I may be one of them. If I shat myself I would be so grossed out and totally embarassed. What if no one cleaned me up? Oh the horror.

6) What if I die alone? I am too cute to be a cat lady. On the real. Way too cute. But I could be, and that freaks me out. I dont want to have a litter box full of cat poop. I dont want to live in a trailer with the cats and the litter box full of cat poop...and urine.

7) Will I be smelly? Some old people smell rank. Mostly those who pee/deuce their pants. I dont want to have that old person smell. Its awful. They smell like hospital food/mold/urine/deuce/forgotten about. I cant be that girl.

8) Will I have some sort of weird-o collection? Garden gnomes? Porcelein figurines? Magnets? God, I hope the only thing I am collecting is a pension and social security!

9) Obese. I dont question that. I already know that.

10) How old will I be the last time I have sex? Will I know it is the last time? Will I be sad? This is the most depressing thought ever. Booo.